Don't let the title mislead you, I'm not always an idiot. If you're reading some of the posts and thinking, 'Hey, this story isn't even about you, you cheating fuck!' I apologise - often other people's stories are more interesting than mine - but I'm the one in charge here, so kindly hush your mouth and read on...
Friday, 15 January 2010
I'm pretty misanthropic at the best of times, but once in a while I meet someone who reminds me where my misanthropy comes from.
Some right cock came in the bar last night. He was probably an ok guy but I hated his affected 'coolness'. He was a nerdy Indian looking English guy who looked like he worked in a bank but spoke with a cocky assuredness that made me want to punch him. First up he came over and asked what bottled beers we had. I began listing them and he said, "Yeah, Heineken sounds sweet. Don't reckon a bigger beer will be good right now with all the shit I put in my body last night." Yessir - I too have been drunk before and even indulged in other things, but I don't feel the need to share it with complete strangers. Then later on he came up, clapped me on the shoulder and said, "I'm off for a piss yeah, but bust me another Heineken on that table please." I should have literally busted the bottle and left him with a pile of broken glass to drink. Bust me a Heineken?! Who says that?
When I went to settle their bill he said "Thanks, you're a cool guy," which would have been decent of him, except he then made some lame joke about me being a cool guy for letting him off his bill, which had never been alluded too and made no sense. We're not old friends, we've shared no banter, so stop this act please. No-one on his table laughed. He then gave me a tenner for his 7.80 bill and when I gave him his change, rather than him saying I could keep it, he said,
"What the fuck is this?" "It's your change." "I know but why you giving it back to me?" "It's your change" "Shut the fuck up!"
He then handed it back as a tip proclaiming that "us Northerners gotta stick together," and finishing with, "Stay real bruv." I have a somewhat irrational hatred of twats like him.