So, I get home, relax a little, put on some music, and decide to uncork the beast. Except I remember I don't own a corkscrew. I despair briefly and then remember I've used a certain screwdriver to uncork a bottle before, so all is not lost. I gently screw in the tip, at which point I realise that this is the most ridiculous cork ever created - it seemed to defy all laws of chemistry and physics, apparently having a core made from dust and sponge cake, but an outer surface fashioned from octopus suckers and cement. The screwdriver got no purchase, but sank through the "cork" which stuck fast to the edges of the bottle. I couldn't pull it up, so after much internal debate I decided the only way was down and in. This is where it all began to go wrong. Or wronger.
The wine was average at best.