Saturday, 15 January 2011

On loving meat so much it hurts

My girlfriend made meat loaf the other day. It's delicious. So delicious that I ate it a bit too aggressively and chomped a great hole in the side of my tongue with a combination of top incisor and lower molar. True to form, this wound soon developed into a giant ulcer, more vicious looking than the Sarlaac pit and more painful than it's possible to describe to anyone who has never suffered from giant tongue ulcers. Its location meant it was constantly resting against a tooth and any movement of the tongue, no matter how slight, caused immense, tear-inducing pain. This made eating, talking, and even swallowing and yawning a harrowing trial.

I'm a couple of days in and there's no respite in sight. I can't talk without looking and sounding like a drooling stroke victim, and I can't eat anything without looking like a bird trying to chug back a whole fish.

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