Thursday, 9 July 2009

On stupid people and odd people

I just moved into a new flat here in Vienna and have been trying to get hooked up to the internet. I chose the package I wanted - I'm a bit ignorant when it comes to all the technical terms, but I knew it had the download speed I wanted, and I could use it via ethernet as my computer's not set up for wireless. I ordered it online and waited for a phone call.

A couple of days ago it came, from a lady who didn't seem to have a clue. After the initial greetings and confirmations, her first question relating to the actual setup was, "Which kind of Fritz Box do you want?" I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in not having a fucking clue what a Fritz Box is. So I asked. She laughed as if I was an idiot for not knowing and then proceeded to explain:

"Well, the free one is an old model. The newer one will cost you 39 Euros, or something like that, I'm not sure exactly."

Well, that's cleared it up. Thanks.

"What is a Fritz Box?"
"It's the modem you need."
"Ah, ok. And what benefits would the one I have to pay for give me?"
"Well, it has 3 antennas."
"Three antennas for what?"
"Well, the old one only has one."

You're shitting me - what kind of a sucker uses only one antenna?

"What do I need antennae for?"
"It's for wireless..."
"Ah, yeah, like I explained before - I don't need wireless. Give me the free one."

I thought that was settled, but she proceeded to talk nonsense for ages, before I practically had to shout at her to just give me the free one.

Then she started asking questions about where I was from, and why I'd moved to Vienna and did I have a girlfriend here... fucking hell! Just hook me up to some internet already!

Then on Tuesday, at the pub I work in, this occurred:

"Hi, are you open?" (I had 3 tables of people in already)
"I saw the sign outside. I'd like to order breakfast."
"I'm afraid we only do breakfasts on the weekends."
"But it's Tuesday."
"Could you not make me eggs and bacon please?"
"No. I have no eggs. We buy them on Saturday morning for the breakfasts. Which is only served on weekends, as the sign says."
"But you don't look busy. Just some eggs and bacon."
"I have no eggs, regardless of whether I'm busy or not."
"But Billa (supermarket) is just around the corner."
"Then you'll be able to get yourself some eggs on your way home. Now, can I get you anything else?"

With that she grunted and left. Stupid bitch.

Today I had an experience with a more pleasant weirdo.

First she came up to me and asked what year the film The Gift was from. I said it was 2000 and for some reason this made her laugh and say, "It doesn't matter."

Then she went downstairs to the video shop, which was closed, and started looking around in the dark until I called her back up.

Then she said, "If I want to eat a salad, where should I sit?" I told her she could sit anywhere she pleased, gestring to all the empty tables and handing her a menu, saying, "All our salads are listed inside. Take your pick." Again she laughed and after studying the menu said, "I saw some green leaves and tomatoes. If I wanted tomatoes in a salad, what should I order?" I recommended the tomato and mozarella salad. So I made this, she ate it and expressed how delightful it was.

Finally, she asked for "a coffee with Irish". I said, "an Irish coffee?" and she said, "No," and pointed to the menu, where it said 'Irish Coffee'. I made her this, she drank it, grinning, and then came and asked for the bill. It came to 16 Euros for the salad, coffee and a ginger ale, and she gave me 30, saying keep the change. The odd thing is, she didn't look weird at all. Kind of like someone's mum, or a teacher.

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